Relationship Recap - Crystal

Wow, the blog ideas just keep coming to me.

This one actually came from an ex of mine. She wanted to hear the story that I told my future girl friends about our relationship after we broke-up. So I think this may be the first in a series of "Relationship Recaps" that I will be posting. Let me know if you find this boring or you are uninterested and I will think of other things to write about.

This one is entitled "Crystal" for a reason...not because that was her name, no where close. It's because that is where I first laid eyes on her. But I'm getting ahead of myself...let me lay out the ground work.

I was eating lunch with my Aunt and Uncle at the Crystal Cafe on Market Street. This B-E-A-UUUUtiful woman walks in and I'm sure my jaw just dropped. She had long - strait, brown hair, was tall, slender and extremely attractive...if memory serves me correctly she was wearing a long red coat. I'm not saying that it was love (lust) at first sight...but I haven't felt quite like that before...and I was hoping to feel more! ;-)

I had to leave lunch early to get back to work. Later that evening my Aunt calls me and says "That girl's name is “Crystal”. She has 1 daughter and is in the process of getting a divorce". I guess her Aunt was the waitress there and my Aunt got the scoop for me!

So I met my normal crew there for lunch a few more times. I probably only saw Crystal there once or twice in the 2 weeks since first seeing her. But man...I couldn't help but fall head over heals for her. After a week or 2, I came in to meet my Aunt and her friend Rita there for lunch. Crystal was sitting by herself in the corner.

My Aunt says "Her Aunt says that she will go out with you if you go and ask her out". I think Rita about passed out when I IMMEDIATELY stood up and walked over to Crystal's table, introduced myself, and started a conversation with her. She was easy to talk to, but I'm sure my face matched her red jacket. I was so nervous! That was the first time in my life I had ever done anything like that – and honestly, I still haven’t been that bold again. I never would have before with a girl like that...she just seemed out of my league.

I got her phone number and called her that night. We talked for a few more days and then went to eat at the Olive Garden the following weekend. Could this be the girl of my dreams? That kept running through my head. ANSWER was no! But, let’s get into the why…

There were days that I would hear from Crystal regularly. Then there were days that I wouldn’t hear from her at all. Then there would be days (weekdays) that I would get a call at 2 in the morning telling me that she’s on her way over. It seemed like she wanted a relationship with me, but also her freedom to do anything else she wanted…more on that later.


So I pulled all the nice guy tricks out on her. I knew she had been married to a jerk that didn’t appreciate her. In my book she was a princess and I was going to show her how she should have been treated.

Here’s an example of something I did, but you can’t hold this against me! I don’t want to lose any player points (just kidding). I’m not this sweet anymore…for obvious reasons… it gets you nowhere! ;-) Despite what you women may say, you do not want a nice guy like this. Don’t even try to argue with me! ;-) Anyhow…

It was around January, very cold outside – maybe 25 degrees. I got off of work early and went and picked her up a dozen roses. I was all dressed up (suit and tie with a long, black trench coat). I went to her work and stood outside her window. I called her and was chatting with her. I asked her if it looked cold outside, she said she didn’t know. I told her to look and see. You should’ve seen the smile on her face when she looked out and there I stood holding a dozen red roses for her.

Have you ever been so happy with someone that NOTHING else matters? BUT there is something in the pit of your stomach that is telling you something is wrong? Did I listen to it, of course not! Was I right, yes, but …I’m saving all of that for the end.

Eventually my nice guy routine turned into that “well are we dating or not” guy. I’m no sucker, and if she wasn’t interested in a serious relationship, then I needed to focus my time elsewhere. Basically, I gave her an ultimatum…either we are seriously dating or we are over. She chooses for it to be OVER!

So this should be the end of the blog right? I mean, I gave it my best shot with Crystal and it just wasn’t going to work out. OH NO! There’s more to this complex story…

So I spend the next few weeks trying to get Crystal out of my head. You know what I mean…every time the doorbell rings or my cell phone rings she’s the first person that I thought it could be. So much mental focus and energy is spent thinking about someone that doesn’t want you! Why do we do this to ourselves? But I digress…

So about 3 weeks later she calls me. [This story has so many similarities with Fairmont girl…I wonder if they were sisters in a previous life??? Click HERE for a recap.] She wants to “talk”. So we meet for lunch and she basically does a 180 degree spin on what she “wants.” She WANTS a relationship with me, WANTS to be my girlfriend, WANTS there to be an US. Now, was there that pit of the stomach feeling again – something was wrong? YES! Did I listen to it? Of course NOT!

So at this point I have the girl I always wanted. And I think life is good again. I start letting my guard down and allowing myself to fall in love. All is well for a few weeks. That is until one weekend she tells me that through some legal loophole, her ex-husband was forcing her to meet him ½ ways between here and Illinois to drop off their daughter. Warning bells were going off in my head. I didn’t want her to go alone.

I hate it SOOOO much when guys use their kids to get to their ex’s. Be it to get even with them and piss them off, or to try to get back together because they had their fun and saw that the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. Well that’s exactly what Crystal fell into.

She didn’t call me at all that weekend...fell off the map so to speak…comes to find out she fell into bed with her ex! I heard from her the following Monday. To her credit, she came by and confessed to sleeping with her ex. Said she still had feelings for him, yada…yada…yada. I was so pissed that I even left my OWN home while she was sitting there trying to explain! LOL

She caught up with me later and told me that she still loved her ex. I said and what about me? “I love you too”. I remember thinking WTF! How do you love two people (as a mate)? I still will never understand that! I loved Crystal…she had all of my love…all of my heart...so I guess I was naïve in thinking that I was going to get out of the relationship what I put into it.

So, I pretty much cut all contact off from Crystal. I didn’t deserve being treated that way and I eventually would be able to move on. So we’re at the point in the blog where, yet again, you think that this should be the end of the story, right? Sorry, LOL, there is more…

Fast forward a few more weeks and Crystal calls me yet again. She’s pregnant!!! She wants to know what I want to do. I said something along the lines of “well, as soon as I know it’s mine, then I’ll support you and be there for you”. She of course insisted that they baby was mine and said “I can’t do this alone!” My smartass came through…”You’re not alone, you have your ex!”

Disclaimer – I am not the type of guy that ditches his responsibilities…this girl cheated on me and I wasn’t going to support her for 9 months and then find out that the baby doesn’t belong to me. She dug her grave! If she never cheated on me…and then she got prego from a faithful relationship with me…I would’ve stepped up and done what was right!

I hear from Crystal’s mom a few weeks later that she had an abortion. I’m not going to get into a drawn out explanation about how I felt here…basically because all the facts were not known to me at the time…saving it for the blog’s conclusion.

So, once again, I should be done hearing or seeing Crystal right? Well…about three or four weeks later I’m sitting at home. Crystal was out of my head and I was getting on with my life. Then comes the Ding Dong of the door bell. It’s Crystal…she asks to come in. Dumbfounded I let her in.

She brings chocolate covered strawberries and a gift for me (Season 2 of Smallville). She says she wants to be friends. My response was “Would you want to be friends with someone that treated you the way you treated me?” She said no. We argued back and forth…but the love was gone from me and I think she saw it. She eventually left and that was the last I thought I would ever hear from Crystal.

And then…let’s really spice up this story. So about 6 months later my cousin runs into Crystal at Wal-mart. She’s PREGNANT! Of course my cousin calls me and gets my mind racing about whether or not this kid is mine or not. But I never contacted Crystal or her mother. I figured the truth would come out one day…and if she wanted a happy life with her husband (not and ex anymore) then who was I to get in the way.

So I spent the next few years comparing just about every girl I dated to Crystal. Sick, I know…but at that point she was my most attractive girl friend…at that point. Life has been good to me the last few months…but that’s another blog.

So you’ll remember that I decided to bury the hatchet and not hold any grudges against any of my ex’s. I sent them all friend’s requests and basically said “I’m not looking for a round 2 or 3…just wanna be friends…accept if you’re cool with it…deny if you’re not”.

Well Crystal was the first to accept. We chatted several times over the next few days and she was even coming in from out of town for the Thanksgiving break. She even stopped by to talk and see what I had done with the place. She was who I went to see New Moon with (see Think About It blog).

It was nice to hear her side of things…for example: that gut feeling where I always felt something was wrong…well I wasn’t being paranoid! She was cheating on me within the first few weeks of dating! Now, most people would be mad at hearing that…but I was actually relieved! Here I thought I was never going to be able to trust someone based off of my feelings and in this case my feelings were RIGHT!!!

Oh, and she didn’t have an abortion…the baby didn’t have a heart beat, so it was never meant to be. And the future baby of hers will be celebrating her 5th birthday in March…which puts her outside of my “window” of opportunity! ;-)

Other than that…we just talked about the old times. It’s funny what she remembers about our relationship and what I have forgotten. It was also ironic that she was also thinking about me at times…even drove by my house a few times…and checked my blog out once and awhile.

Here I had spent most of my adult life thinking that all of my ex’s had moved on with their lives and I was doomed to repeat the same mistakes. In reality…I have learned from a few of my mistakes and I don’t regret anything from my past! All my ex’s have been wonderful learning experiences…what I like…what I don’t like…and what I hope never to come across again!

I wonder if they feel the same? ;-)

Thanks for reading this insanely long blog!!!