Time slips away...

I wasn't feeling in my normal ROCK mood today, so I selected the old country playlist and just mellowed out while I was working. After a few hours into the day and the iPhone plays George Jone's "Funny How Time Slips Away". And something just hit me - and hit me HARD!

Here's the verse that really got me into a retrospective mode:
"How's your new love? I hope that he's doing fine!"

For some reason I have played that verse over and over in my head for the past few hours...so much so that I thought I would make it my next blog entry! Lucky you! ;-)

I guess I should explain to you my phases for ending or getting over a relationship:

1st - DENIAL: I could see all of the signs that a relationship was heading the wrong way or wasn't what I wanted, but I still chose to continue on. I'm not sure why, but this leads me to my next phase:

2nd - ANGER: Not just at my ex (if it was deserved) but also at myself for not seeing the signs or falling into the same trap that I had before (fool me once and all that). Sure, I was still angry at the ex. The Jr. from 10 years ago would try to get even somehow by trying to ruin their current relationship or some other crazy get-even scheme. But honestly, that didn't help ME with anything. Eventually I would head into what used to by my last phase:

3rd - MOVE-ON: I guess the best way to explain this phase is to tell you about a quote I heard on my favorite show Nip/Tuck for next week's episode: "The best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else". And that basically how I would get over my serious relationships. Looking back I realize that bouncing from relationship to relationship was my own personal version of Hell. I lost a little bit of myself during/after each one. I hope that one day it all comes back. So those are basically the phases of my life after ending a relationship...repeated over and over again over the last 10 years or so. Yes, I know...a little sad. That's not the reason I'm writing about it though. After listening to that song today I realized that I'm actually at a new phase. A phase I've never been at in my life before - EVER! That phase is:

4th - FORGIVENESS: In the past, I never was the type of person to stay in contact with my ex's. I always looked at it like this: they are an EX for a reason! In reality, that was just ME holding onto anger (2nd phase) and never really moving-on in my 3rd phase. Anger was also my defense mechanism...it was easier to be mad than to forgive.

Well, I am now at a new phase in my life. I am willing to forgive all the liars, cheaters, and such that I have dated in my past. They all had their reasons...and it really doesn't matter if I ever know what they were. I am done thinking that every relationship was a waste of my time....INSTEAD...they were opportunities for me to learn what I want/don't want, what makes me happy/unhappy, and what I want/don't want for my future.

I have this ODD sense of peace. Have I really been holding all of this hate and anger in for so long? I guess I have...and I am never going to be able to have a meaningful relationship until I am at peace with my past and WHO I am. After all, my past relationships have made me who I am...at least with regards to "Boyfriend Jr". Now I need to learn to take the best out of each of those relationships and apply it to Mrs. Right...at least when I ever meet her! ;-)

So in closing...if you were an ex of mine, I wish you all of the best. I harbor no hard feelings towards you or your current love, and if I ever see you or hear from you again I'll politely ask: "How's your new love? I hope that he's doing fine!"

WOW! I feel FREE now! Is that weird? I I'll be interested in some of your comments...take care! ;-)