Self-Esteem

I've been rolling these thoughts around in my head for the past few days...just thinking how I was going to approach it. Something was on my mind…I just needed to figure out how to author it for the blog…

Thanks to The Offspring and their song called Self-Esteem I finally found the inspiration to put my thoughts down into this blog.

I hope you've heard the song...here are the lines that caught my attention:

Well I know I'm being used,
That's ok because I like the abuse!
Well I know she's playing with me,
That's ok cause I have no self-esteem!

A recent text message from Fairmont last week put me in a foul mood. It was just a joke she was forwarding, but obviously she expected me to start up a conversation again. It hadn't been 5 days since she last texted me and told me she would respect my wishes and not text me anymore. I didn't really blog about that episode....and it will have to wait for another day.

But back to the recent texting...I must have liked the abuse in the past. I admit that I have fallen for this type of trap before. Maybe I was just glad to be speaking with her...even though I knew she was playing with me. I really did have no self-esteem at the time. Actually, my self-esteem never has been my strong suit...but I'm working on that.

I didn't respond to the text. I'm sure this is driving her crazy, but that really wasn't my intention. I just really don't want to play her games anymore...actually I don't want to play anyone's games anymore!!!

From 2010 and forward, you have one shot with me and one shot only with me. Don't mess it up! I'm not going to self-abuse myself by hanging onto to a single thread of hope that a relationship is going to eventually work out. I think I did in the past because of my low self-esteem.

Relationships shouldn’t be hard work.* But I’m not faultless in most of these cases either…don’t get me wrong. I do have a tendency to push for a more serious relationship and quicker than one would expect. I’m going to work on that too – WAY more time dating, less “future” talk.

HOWEVER…I never will never understand why women, Fairmont in this case – but others too, wait until I’m 99% done with them before they “realize” that they had something good with “us” and now it’s gone. Do they like the chase? Do they like knowing they still have it? I just don’t know. I do know that they had 100% of me the whole time I was with them and that wasn't good enough for them…BUT now they are fighting to get that 1% back to 100%??? Come on ladies, quit wasting your time! It isn't going to happen! PLUS..it shouldn’t be this hard…relationships that is.

I truly believe that one day I am going to meet a woman and she is going to be all about me as much as I am about her – at the exact same time....NOT 6 months, 2 years, or even later!!!

So, wish me luck getting over all of my recent relationship traumas from 2009 and before! :-) I think my cruise will go a long way with that!!! Thanks for reading everyone!

* Special Note: To prove that I just can’t make this crap up folks. When I was witting this blog, I was at the "Relationships shouldn’t be hard work." line when my phone vibrates! I have a text message… guess who it was from? That’s right…Fairmont! Honestly folks...I'm going to turn this blog into a book and/or movie one day! LMAO! I'm sure I'll have more on this later!!! ;-)